Meanwhile, my old standard box went through a modemic death spasm last night. I've had to jury-rig (with Scotch tape) my network cable plug-in for over a year now, and it finally decided Lo, it shall wash no more. Which wouldn't be the end of the world, except there are things on this old box that I can't get to, or get off, without a functioning network cable.
So, I went upstairs and cannibalized collinsmom's old computer for a modem and got this thing running right again. If she wants the modem back, I'll strip this thing clean and reinstall the hardware on her machine; for now, though, all is right with my virtual world.