Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher,To which all I can add is,
Vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
Been there. Done that. Bought the t-shirt.For what it’s worth, I’m not disappointed in you. I figured you’d try what was on offer. It is rather to your credit that after only one semester, you see the pointlessness of it all. As for feeling like a hypocrite, welcome to the club. All of us fail to live up to even our own modest standards. But if you profit by your own goof-ups, then, in Charles Williams’ great line,
O new Pheidippides, that stumble was Marathon won.If I may say so, the “hook” that draws you into the party scene is a very great emotional neediness. There is a big loneliness in you. In addition, you are very competitive. You want to belong – and you want to excel. It often leads you to be hurt in various ways. It also means you achieve more than most people in your peer groups. So it has both a positive and a negative side. The trick is to find the friends and resources you need to fill that loneliness without helplessly drifting into the party scene.
We had a wonderful anniversary dinner out in the holler, and there were plenty of alcoholic goodies: candies, desserts, drinks. But only the best, and nobody was sucking them down for anything other than the flavor. Drunkenness would have interfered with the real satisfactions of friends spending special time together. So there is a way to enjoy drinking without being a “drinker.”
Anyway, I wish I could give you a big hug. And then go build a campfire somewhere with you.
Love and prayers,