Maybe something less subtle is needed
A guy visiting Texas on a business trip got tired of listening to how "everything's bigger in Texas." He said so to the guy next to him at the counter as he ordered a beer and a sandwich in the hotel bar. The sandwich came, and it looked like somebody had shoveled half a cow onto a loaf of bread. His eyes widened.

"See, it's true," his companion said. "Everything IS bigger in Texas."

Then his beer came. It was like a glass keg with a handle. He wondered how he'd ever be able to finish it. He looked at the bartender, who shrugged and said, "EVERYthing's bigger in Texas."

By the time he got half the beer down, he was soused. He asked for directions to the men's room, then went off mumbling to himself, "Everything's bigger in Texas . . . everything's bigger in Texas . . . everything's bigger in Texas."

In his drunken state, he went through the wrong door and entered the recreation area, where he fell into an Olympic-sized indoor swimming pool. As he struggled to the surface, terrified and gasping, he cried out to the people on the poolside, "Don't flush!"

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Ya gotta have heart . . .
I went to my local Red Cross office today to get re-certified in CPR before our Venturers' trip to Great Britain next week. No problemo. I drop in every year, take the test, walk out with a new card. Reviewed my skill sheets this morning. Ready to roll.

Nobody there. Called later, discovered they are on vacation until AFTER I leave for the UK. Called around other places and other agencies, got no help.

So I called the ARC over in Cincinnati. They'll be glad to fit me in tomorrow night for a "challenge," which means a written test AND demonstration of skills.

I should pass both easily, but these guys have never seen me before, so my training will be on display for a new set of eyes. Please pray that I do my best.

Complications, complications.

EDIT: 5/26/05 7:40 p.m. Nailed it!

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