aefenglommung (aefenglommung) wrote,

Day 4 of Retirement

I went out to Wilderstead for the day yesterday. It's a jungle out there. What with all the rain we had earlier in the year, the road was overgrown. The erosion channels in the road from all the downpours were also evident.

I started by inventorying tasks to be done. While checking out my building site, I found this baby in the tall grass.

Box turtle

Box turtle

Next, I started cleaning up the building site. I hadn't done anything to it since last November, when I finished just ahead of the snow (what snow we had). I was too busy this spring to do any work. I got about half the site cleared of the straw and muck; then, the sun began pouring heat down over the hill. By 12:30, I couldn't stand it any more and had to go cool off. Next time, I need to go over in the evening and tackle work on the building site in the cool of the morning.

I went into town to eat lunch and buy some stuff at Lowe's. Then I returned and worked on some road repair. I also sprayed my entire road with Roundup. Next time I go, I'll have to take my trimmer mower, too, and spruce up the most-used areas.

The sheer number of tasks I need to be working on is overwhelming. Discouraging, even. But the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time. It's why I retired at this time. Meanwhile, back at home, I've had a couple of dizzy spells and I'm doing a lot of napping. My body is getting used to retirement, too, it seems. And it will not be denied any longer.

I spent years making demands on myself physically, over-riding my body's needs. When I realized I couldn't get as much done in a day as I once did, no matter how hard I worked, I found myself using more and more energy even to do that much. I lived on adrenaline and caffeine and willpower.

The last couple of years, Deanne and I have lived in fewer rooms than we physically occupied. I wore the same round of clothes over and over because it took too much mental energy to sort through the rest of my closet. I did fewer fun things for myself. Work took everything I had. And, of course, when I made the decision to retire, I made up a list of final goals -- promises to be paid off, projects to be finished, things I wanted to do before I left -- and then did every one of them. There was no time or energy left for anything else. I got it. All. Done.

I'm glad I did that. I finished strong. But now, I realize it's going to be some time before I can focus my energies onto what I need to do next. I've got to refill my tank before I can call upon my body to respond. It may be that I "lose" most of this summer before I can really get rolling out in the holler. Well, let it be so.

Ever since I got back from Switzerland, I've been looking for my calendar. It is apparently in the black hole with everything else we can't find. Or maybe God has been hiding it from me, and will reveal it to me when I'm ready to be organized again. Right now, it's enough to ride the wave of each day, and just do what comes to hand.

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