Now, as you probably know, I just hate being asked for my name in a restaurant. It feels fake and manipulative to me. Besides, a lot of people can't make out "Art" when you say it; it sounds like Mark, Bart, etc. And if you say, "Arthur," then they can't spell it. Over the years, I've had my name spelled with all kinds of extra letters -- Aurthor, Arther, Arruther, and so on. So when it came my turn, the lady took my order and then asked, "Can I have a name for your order?"
"Aloysius," I replied. When she looked startled, I spelled it for her. "A-l-o-y-s-i-u-s."
She gamely started to right it down on the receipt, repeating it aloud. "L, O . . ."
I interrupted. "A. L. O. Y. S. I. U. S. Just like it sounds."
She dropped her pen. "I'll know who you are," she said. And I got my order without further ado. No one tried to call out my name, they just handed me the sack.
I drove off filled with the wonderful, sweet experience of victory.