I am swamped, but then, I usually am. As I say frequently, "only the dead have nothing to do." My wife begs me, gripes at me to slow down and take time off. Others ask why I push myself so hard. The answer is not a simple one, but is typical of the pressures of life in the pastorate.
I push myself because I am a highly goal-oriented person who wants to accomplish things. I want to save the lost. I want to build up the church. I want to see good things happen. I have causes and people I care about. I am a follower of John Wesley, who was constantly on the move, making things happen. In the words of Lost and Found, "These here days, they count for something" -- at least they should.
Those of us who have been savaged by others' criticism -- a not uncommon situation in congregational life -- are like wide receivers who have been the recipients of vicious, unsportsmanlike tackles. We start to "hear footsteps." We learn to stay busy in order to forestall criticism. This is unhealthy, I know. It's also unnecessary in many cases; certainly, few people -- perhaps no one -- at my current appointment (or my last one) would jump me for being lazy or inattentive to people. That said, once you've been unfairly hit, you're always aware of the rogue trouble-maker out there, and keeping him or her out of your head is a challenge.
I say Yes too much. I promise too much. I pile stuff on to the point where there is no time to bounce. I create situations where I have a major deadline every week and there is no time left open to deal with emergencies without it coming out of my hide. This is simply lack of discipline on my part; or, in some cases, the result of boredom and loneliness.
It's the Ugly that I need to work on. I can keep the Bad out of my head, but I can't keep me out of my head. It's very hard for me to clear my schedule and give myself some serious time off, but I've got to do it. My health has just about broken this winter.
I've already stepped back from the amount of involvement I've had with our Boy Scout Troop. I'll also be stepping down from the NAUMS Board this summer. I need some more adults to step up and help make youth events go at the church. I'm happy to say, I don't have to lead the youth mission trip this summer -- something I like to do, but it's healthier, the more other adults we have who will take leadership.
I need to do more teaching, especially with younger adults, and less weekend programming. Weekends are a scarce resource. There are only 52 of them a year, and you can't schedule every one of them up to the battlements. And I can't be responsible for all of those we do schedule.
So, something to work on . . .