aefenglommung (aefenglommung) wrote,


Dear Mary:

It all comes down to boundaries, or in Robert Frost's words, "Good fences make good neighbors."

You have been pushing at my boundaries for some time. I have been reluctant to push back. You seem a nice enough person, and you share many of my interests. My instinct is to keep the ball rolling under these circumstances. My courtesy, however, should not be taken for a meeting of the minds.

As regards the contretemps over your "Nazi" post, if you were just some radical whose ideas differed from mine, or some flamer with a screw loose, I wouldn't have responded at all. Live and let live. Never rassle with a pig. God has called us to peace.

But in a proper relationship, people need to take responsibility for what they say and do. Your post offended me especially because you threw the bomb, then disavowed it. I took you to task because I valued our relationship. I wanted you to say, either, "that's what I really think -- deal with it" OR "I'm sorry, that was over the line, wasn't it?" Either way, I would have known where your boundaries were.

You chose instead to insult me in one of the few places where I am really sensitive. I'm sure you didn't realize how it would affect me; but then, perception doesn't seem to be your strong point. You seem to react, not to what I actually say, but to what you presume I'm saying. If this is how you relate to your parishioners, I can foresee a lot of drama in your Pastor-Parish meetings, wherever you go.

I thank you for your apology, and I accept it. I bear you no grudge. But I do not wish to re-establish our LJ relationship at this time. Please do not hassle me with comments. I want you to respect my boundaries.

You have shown that you have the means to circumvent those boundaries. You have commented on my LJ (via your other account, and anonymously) several times without giving me a chance to respond. You started with an abject apology. You followed that up with another apology, with an I-forgive-you-too thrown in (I don't remember asking for your forgiveness). Most recently, I find a chatty, argumentative reply to my exasperated comment concerning you, as if it were about someone else.

Enough. I want you to respect my boundaries. If you cannot or will not do so, I will have to enforce them, but to do so would give me no pleasure.

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